As Above, So Below
by EscapeToCity
Summary: Sequel to "Backward Glances."
1. Default Chapter

Title: AS ABOVE, SO BELOW  
  
Author: EscapeToCity  
  
Category: Sequel to "BACKWARD GLANCES."  
  
Rating: R  
  
Summary: Alexandra Lord Luthor and her final years.  
  
Disclaimer: NONE of these characters belong to me. I am simply painting a scene for them to play in. Peace, blessings & praise to Warner's, DC, WB & Millar/Gough.  
  
Notes:  
  
Alternate Universe.  
  
Feedback always welcome. Please e-mail me, if you like, at EscapeToCity@aol.com  
  
Best regards,  
  
J.B.  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
The memories only come when they like, friends.  
  
Please, bear with me.  
  
It is harder all the time.  
  
It is easier all the same.  
  
I still can't figure exactly where I am...  
  
I still can't figure how to speak to him.  
  
Save him.  
  
Change him.  
  
I all the transparent energy I have to try...  
  
With every nonexistent minute...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
So I had lost Lionel. As a husband. As a friend.  
  
But I had my wonderful son, a new gallery, and a decent, respectable life.  
  
Those days were some of the best.  
  
Taking Lex to school.  
  
Helping him (which was rare) with his homework.  
  
Spending time with my friends at the gallery, even painting in my free time.  
  
One day, at the gallery, in the Fall of 1986, an old, familiar face appeared...  
  
"Alex Luthor...I haven't seen you in forever."  
  
Perry White was one fine male specimen, I won't lie. And age had only added to his innate charms and wise nature.  
  
He was several years my junior.  
  
Brilliant man.  
  
Cultured.  
  
There had always been an unspoken *something* between us, for so many years.  
  
He had been banned from LuthorCorp. events after he became editor of the Daily Planet.  
  
Seems he and Lionel's politics didn't mix.  
  
Perry was a good man. Honest to his core.  
  
His wife had recently left him, citing his dedication/obsession with getting the truth to the people of Metropolis.  
  
I didn't care...he had a kind face...and that *something* gave me a rush I hadn't felt since Lionel and I were young....  
  
"Perry, my darling...how's life at the Planet? I hope you got my note...to congratulate you on the Pulitzer..."  
  
"Of course I got it. But I wasn't sure you wanted me to respond...I mean, I know you and Lionel are still--"  
  
"We're still married, yes, Perry...we'll always be married. You know how that goes."  
  
"Luthors don't divorce. Their idea of a divorce is a funeral."  
  
I nodded, the slightest hint of sadness crossing my face.  
  
Perry changed the subject....he was always so damned considerate....  
  
"I saw that Lex won the science fair at Country Day. You must be so proud, Alex. He's really something."  
  
Smiling..."Yes...my son is a standout student, such a dear. His asthma is much better now as well, Perry...Lionel's even thinking about taking him to the fencing club. He thinks it will let him develop athletic ability, concentration skills..."  
  
"Fencing would be interesting, I'm sure Alex, but I thought Lex liked soccer."  
  
"Lionel still thinks soccer is too intense..." Wincing...and he sees it..."...I win some of the battles, Perry...sometimes..."  
  
Perry took my hand in his.  
  
So warm.  
  
I begin to tremble...  
  
(It's been so long...since Lionel touched me like this...Harry...anyone...bloody hell)  
  
"A woman like you shouldn't have to wage war, ever."  
  
Blush.  
  
Gasp.  
  
Damn.  
  
"Perry. That's sweet. But I'm strong. And things are the way they have to be. You know that. I'm Alexandra Luthor, wife to Lionel. And that won't change."  
  
"Lionel never has known a good thing when he saw it."  
  
Rush.  
  
Snap.  
  
Swoon.  
  
"Perhaps, Perry..."  
  
I want to say more....Lisa, my assistant is glaring at the exchange, her mouth agape....she sees the intereaction, the subtlety...hell, darlings, anyone could see it...  
  
"Listen, Alex...we would love for you to come down to the paper sometime, maybe help with a article on the expansion at the Palace of Arts...maybe help with the Entertainment staff. They are having a horrible time getting theatre reviews together. As an actress, I know you still know the stage in and out. Maybe..."  
  
Don't say it, you fool.  
  
Don't.  
  
Too late...  
  
"Anytime, Perry. Anytime."  
  
He looks down, nervously. I feel like a teenager. I can tell he does as well...  
  
"Wow...OK...well, anyway...I've gotta run...evening edition is a mess...I really, really am looking forward to seeing you down there..."  
  
"So am I."  
  
I know I have bloody well dug a hole.  
  
But it feels damned wonderful.  
  
(I'm sorry, Lex....no one is perfect...I hope none of this ever came back to hurt you. I'd never hurt you...)  
  
  
  
So, little by little, bit by bit, I began a happy romance with one Perry White.  
  
We were adults.  
  
We both needed conversation.  
  
Connection.  
  
Perry touched me those places. Warm, salty, sugary joy...I had purged myself of desire years prior, or so I thought. Perry and I would lie in bed, stolen moments of bliss...I dreamt that he and I were raising Lex in the country, in Smallville or Greenmont, rolling around in green fields and laughing together.  
  
A real family.  
  
A real love.  
  
A full life.  
  
(I would've done anything to bring that about, my love....anything)  
  
Compassion.  
  
I never felt guilty about my actions.  
  
No guilt enters my mind when I think of Perry.  
  
I only felt a twist of fear, occassionally, thinking about what Lionel could do to me if he discovered my liason...  
  
He might take Lex away...hide him...he had grown so hideously wealthy...yes, I had my own hidden stash of funds but nothing compared to my husband...  
  
He might take him away.  
  
Think, Alex, think.  
  
I called my mother one morning, anxious and on edge...  
  
"Hello, girlie...how's the drink?"  
  
"Mum, I am scared. I have taken up with another man..."  
  
"Bravo, girlie! Bravo! Don't know how you made it in a cold bed with that cold fish man."  
  
"Stop, mum! I'm having a goddamned affair!"  
  
"Exactly, daughter...and I am so glad to hear it. You're a normal woman. Still in her good days. Nothing wrong with a little shag here or there."  
  
"Oh, mother...damn it all...I called because I'm scared...of Lionel...what if he discovers this?"  
  
"Believe me, girlie...that man you call husband would let you throw a roman orgy and he wouldn't blink."  
  
"You really believe that?"  
  
"On the soul of your dearly departed Dad, I do."  
  
"I trust you. I'm just nervous."  
  
"Stop being nervous. You are a good mother. A fine lady. And whoever this man is, he's one lucky bloke. Live a little. Live today for that matter. Stop worrying so much. Don't I always warn you about regrets, young lady?"  
  
"Of course, mum."  
  
"I love ya. Lex loves ya. Who cares about Lionel's damned opinion?"  
  
Stop.  
  
Mum's right.  
  
What are you afraid of?  
  
(The same thing you are, my love...being happy, being free...)  
  
I had no reason to fear Lionel's wrath.  
  
He didn't acknowledge my presence, ninety-nine percent of the days...  
  
I was there only to cast votes with the board.  
  
To be on his arm...and even those events became rarer and rarer.  
  
Lionel's interest in horses had hit an all-time high...I found from the household staff that Lionel had purchased six Arabians and was keeping them in Smallville...  
  
There was also a young lady who had caught his fancy there...Nell, or Belle, oh...I never could remember her damned name...  
  
I wondered if she knew what she was dealing with...  
  
Did anyone ever know what they were dealing with where Lionel was concerned?  
  
Lady Emma was still lurking as well...seems Lionel was becoming far more ravenous in his appetites...  
  
Emma's drug appetite was out of control...I repeatedly warned Lionel to keep Lex away from her...  
  
"Under no circumstances is he to see that strung-out tramp. Do you hear me, Lionel? I give you carte blanche on so much, don't fight me on this one."  
  
"Fine. No Emma exposure for the heir."  
  
"Fine with me."  
  
(Later, my darling, here...I saw that Lionel hadn't completely kept you from the influence of those decadent Hardwicks....oh, damn baby...those drugs...If only I had been around to stop you....please try to stay clean...)  
  
I could remember those days, long ago, when I had been enough to fill him up...to love him, hold him, tame the beast under that lion's mane...  
  
But I never my sham marriage.  
  
Because I had Lex.  
  
  
  
  
  
Lex was in fourth grade now.  
  
Accelerated.  
  
Lionel had agreed to keep in Country Day, for now.  
  
"But, my fair Alexandra, all Luthors attend Exeter...there will be no debate..."  
  
I was so damned glad.  
  
Lex had a set of friends now...little scientists and chess players. I adored them all.  
  
I allowed them to visit Lex whenever they liked, which was often. I would stand in the doorway of the salon and watch them, giggling as they created colorful chemistry solutions and traded Garbage Pail Kid cards...  
  
Lex loved those nasty little cards...grotesque litttle cartoon people...  
  
But his face glowed in those days and I thought, I hoped, that everything would work out...  
  
We had expanded the apartment again that year, taking over the floor above us. Not that Lionel was there to appreciate it. He had taken a room at the Hotel DeLuxe, across the park.  
  
"We must keep our problems away from the heir."  
  
"You mean you need to keep your tramps away from my son."  
  
(I shouldn't have been casting stones, son...I know...I'm a hypocrite...but at least what I had with Perry White was real....I'm not sure if anything your father has ever had was real...)  
  
Lex never knew Daddy didn't really live with us.  
  
At least I hope he never figured it out.  
  
(Did you?)  
  
Lionel would come by for dinner, everyday he was in Metropolis.  
  
We would try our best to put on the act for our son.  
  
Even though, by this point, we hated one another.  
  
Well...maybe not hate...just indifference...we didn't know each other anymore.  
  
I wanted, so badly, for Lex to spend time with Perry...he was a normal adult man...he watched football with his pals, drank cheap beer, played cards, had such a cheery demeanor...  
  
Maybe some of Perry's down-to-earth nature could rub off on my son...  
  
I so wanted him to be normal, like average people...not to think he was better than others...isolated..superior...like Lionel...  
  
Perry and I discussed the situation over dinner, one warm November afternoon....  
  
"Perry...I think perhaps Lex can join us one evening...maybe we could go to Pleasure Island, the theme park. The three of us."  
  
"You know that's risky, kiddo. Lionel..."  
  
I saw the concern in his eyes.  
  
It was in mine too.  
  
But for once....goddamn....I wanted to just say *fuck you* to Lionel Luthor...  
  
"I know. But Lex needs to be around intelligent, good men. As role models. Most of my friends are women and I want Lex to grow up to be a well-rounded young man. I think you could play games together, watch television, you know?"  
  
"You're trying to replace Lionel, aren't you?"  
  
He saw immediately that was the wrong thing to say. He looked around nervously, taking my hands...  
  
"I would replace Lionel if I could. Lex is adorable. Spends a little too much time in the books, but hey, maybe he's the new Einstein...."  
  
"Hey, reporter...don't knock my son's brain."  
  
"I'm not. Lex is fantastic. Damn wonderful. Just like his mom. Hell yeah, I'd roll Lionel over.  
  
You know I would. In a Metropolis minute."  
  
A tear welled up in my left eye. This man actually cared for me. Maybe loved me.  
  
Damn...so many years I had just closed myself off to this kind of feeling.  
  
Damn...imagine....  
  
"I kn-kn-.." My voice is cracking..."I know you would, Perry. And we could be normal and happy, simple maybe? Simple. Huh. I had forgotten what that word meant."  
  
"How so?" Still tenderly holding my hands in his.  
  
"My life as Mrs. Luthor. All money and status and compromised positions. Compromised values. And deceptions. Lies, mendacity around every corner. I lie every time I'm with you, Perry. I lie to my ideals and my beliefs and all that I am."  
  
"Hey, kiddo...you're no liar. You're the most forthright woman I know."  
  
"No, darling, no....I am privy to so much dark information, downright evil things...at LuthorCorp...there is so much people need to know...Lionel and the board are doing things...terrible things...experiments, dishonest practices of every sort...I haven't asked anyone anything yet...I don't have concrete proof...but there are always whispers, hushed references..."  
  
Perry abruptly pulls at me. I am nearly yanked out of my seat...  
  
Shocked I look into is kindly eyes for explanations...  
  
"Shut up, kiddo..." face filled with concern..."...don't you take the risk, not for me, not for anyone. You know what a powerful man he is...you can't ever talk about LuthorCorp. business...even in my arms, even loving me...you must protect yourself. For Lex's sake. Please...listen to me. Believe me. Hear me."  
  
I completely understand and I am horrified.  
  
I know exactly what he means...  
  
(Still, denial is what it is...)  
  
Long, painful silence...  
  
"Perry...you don't think Lionel would ever do anything to hurt me? Do you? He wouldn't dare. It would destroy Lex. And Lex is the heir. Lex is everything to Lionel."  
  
"Alexandra, my dear...I think Lionel would make you vanish without a trace. He would ruin you, cut you, strangle you with his bare hands--"  
  
Shaking.  
  
Scared....  
  
"Stop, please!"  
  
Caresses my hands lovingly but firmly....with resolve...  
  
"I will, Alex. But you stop talking about any LuthorCorp. business. It's too risky. I realize the position you are in. How you feel like you can't tell anyone. But that's why us reporters live in the world. We are here to investigate, to take the risks. We jump out of planes and bring home roses to English damsels...."  
  
For one second I beamed....god...this man was too sweet...  
  
".....you are here to paint, and act, and kiss your son goodnight. And do that thing do with your fingers. And tell me I work too much....and steer clear of danger...we both know Lionel can be dangerous..."  
  
I am crying now, openly. He brings a cloth to my face.  
  
Goddamn....he was so kind...  
  
And so honest...I didn't always want to see it...hell, it was hard to admit...but Lionel could be a dangerous man...especially to protect LuthorCorp....I remember a story once, a vague one, about a workers' strike and an explosion...  
  
Two dozen people...mysteriously blown to pieces...  
  
Gas leak, of course...the LuthorCorp. line...  
  
I shuddered. Never before had I allowed Lionel's business-- the reality of his business-- shake me so...  
  
"I know, Perry...it's just I wish there was a way to get myself out from under Lionel and the company, just take Lex away from all of this. To a sunny place by the sea. I'd want you there, too."  
  
"Alex. I want that more than anything. But right now, with Lionel as powerful as he is, I don't see how any of that can happen. We can always hope though...maybe, someday...kiddo, there's always hope..."  
  
"Yes. Hope."  
  
After dinner, Perry had to go back to the paper. I was to pick Lex up from his friend's house in West Metropolis. I sat in the backseat of the limo and thought. And pondered. And worried.  
  
I had opened my bloody mouth too fucking wide.  
  
I had scared Perry.  
  
I had scared myself.  
  
He knew as much, if not more, about LuthorCorp's shady dealings than I did.  
  
He knew Lionel would do anything to keep those things out of the public eye.  
  
I had just wanted to tell him some of the horrors I had heard of....the agricultural division, the nuclear waste...oh, the people...the testing labs with live children...  
  
There was so much. But Perry was right. If I opened my mouth I might endanger myself. And that would endanger Lex.  
  
I had to keep quiet. Bide my time to escape the increasing darkness enveloping Lionel. The larger his company became, the scarier all this became...  
  
How I missed my youth...Harry...the stage...the simplicity...  
  
But I was a grown woman. Too old for childish dreams and recollections...  
  
All I could do was plan.  
  
Maybe, as I hoped, get somewhere safe with Lex and Perry in tow....  
  
Cook hot dogs, watch the ocean...  
  
Maybe. Hopefully. Damn. Damn. Damn.  
  
  
  
  
  
For Christmas, Lionel decided we would fly to Florida and take The Vanya out for a run...  
  
I admit I was scared.  
  
The more I thought about Lionel the more I dreaded him...  
  
But  
  
This was for Lex...  
  
He would never do anything to hurt Lex.  
  
That much I had to be sure of.  
  
(The lady in denial....the lady of hope...)  
  
I had to agree with him for once, she was magnificent.  
  
A little too opulently decorated and appointed but a stellar tub, nonetheless...  
  
Lionel, Lex and I charted a course out around the Florida Keys.  
  
It was dazzling, the water and the coral and the sky...  
  
Lionel and I barely spoke, but as always, we could put on the *act* for Lex.  
  
I wonder could he sense it.  
  
He had such a knowing face.  
  
(I hated pretending for you)  
  
At least Lionel spent some decent quality time with our son. He talked to him about school, about horses, fishing. One day the captain, Dan, showed Lionel and Lex a school of gigantic, proud tarpon. Lex's little eyes exploded in awe at the power and size of the mighty fish.  
  
Lionel looked at Lex so proudly that day....I wondered why he couldn't be like that all the time...  
  
Cracks in the facade....but Lionel, in reality, was too far gone. His father was alive once more, inside him. I doubt I could have ever overcome Lowell's influence. It was set from the point of Lionel's birth.  
  
Destiny.  
  
Fate.  
  
But fucked up nonetheless.  
  
But Lex was happy. I hoped he was happy. He was stronger. And had so much to look forward to.  
  
He didn't have a single attack during our run on The Vanya.  
  
For the first time since his birth, I slept through an entire night without fear.  
  
For the first time since his birth, I slept the night without creeping into his room to watch his chest rise and fall.  
  
  
  
  
  
March came and I sent Lex to England. My mum was feeling the chill a bit and after I personally returned from checking on her I sent my son to keep her company. He had ten days off for Spring Break and he was thrilled.  
  
LuthorCorp. was entering talks to acquire the Midvale Land & Ranch Company. This interested me because Midvale L&R owned nearly all the land Lionel didn't control in Lowell County.  
  
Through acquiring its interests, Lionel would quite literally surround Smallville with his holdings...  
  
I oft wondered what Lionel's plans were for all that land.  
  
He barely hunted anymore. Never talked about old-growth trees or pristine aquifers.  
  
It just nagged me and the worries wouldn't go away.  
  
While Lex was gone, against my inner voices' warnings, I began going through the files at LuthorCorp.  
  
I had access due to my position on the board.  
  
I had been so damned naive...for over twenty years I had never visited the file room. Never questioned all the rumours swirling about Lionel's business interests...  
  
But that was going to change...  
  
(I did it for you. I didn't want you to run an empire built on pain, on lies, on suffering...I'm so sorry...I did it all wrong...fuck....)  
  
I knew this was dangerous. I knew the position I was putting myself in. But someone had to stop Lionel, at least slow down the experiments going on at LuthorChemical and LuthorAg.  
  
My discoveries were harrowing.  
  
I vomited upon reading the classified files.  
  
The marvelous breakfast Perry and I had shared ruined my new dress...  
  
But the files...dear God...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
TWO SUBJECTS-- 2/9/85...J. LINCOLN, A. SMITH...SEVERE LACERATIONS, DEATH AS RESULT OF INTRODUCTION OF FERTILIZER B, MORE SUBJECTS NEEDED....ONE SUBJECT..ASPHYXIATION......LOSS OF SIGHT....ONE SUBJECT...LOSS OF HEARING......POSSIBLE MUTATION...MORE RESEARCH NEEDED....INVOLVE STAR LABS RE: L.L. AUTHORIZATION.....3/11/84....NOTE TO LUTHOR-- PLANNED NUCLEAR PROJECT LOOKS TO BE A GO...ML&R IS ON SHAKY GROUND...  
  
ONE SUBJECT--11/8/82...J. KENT....STERILITY AS RESULT OF INTRODUCTION OF POWDER Y...ACCEPTABLE LOSS....MORE TESTS TO FOLLOW...6/18/86... INFANT DEATH....RESULTS OF PRODUCT C INTRODUCTION...MORE TESTS REQUIRED PER L.L. AUTHORIZATION...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
And it went on and on my darlings....  
  
And on....  
  
And on....  
  
And I cried.  
  
Slumping to the floor.  
  
Grabbing at the thick carpet.  
  
I felt like I'd been shot.  
  
Glad I was the only person in the files.  
  
Or so I had thought. Oh, Alex...hadn't you ever heard of video cameras?  
  
I could, perhaps, if i had been more involved, done something...  
  
But goddamn I was too busy. Busy raising Lex and .being an artist, and blah,. blah, blah...  
  
I thought about all these innocents...I wondered how they had been recruited for testing...  
  
The nuclear plant obviously was meant for Smallville...my God, Lionel...the man I married is completely gone...you are willing to ruin that marvelous prairie with that filth...  
  
All for money.  
  
He was mutilating innocents for money.  
  
He was killing for it.  
  
The power.  
  
The patents.  
  
  
  
"Chemicals to change the world, fertilizers to feed it, my fair...don't concern yourself..."  
  
I had allowed that line to let me ignore his misdeeds.  
  
  
  
No longer...  
  
I had to do something.  
  
But what the hell could I do?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The sale of Midvale Land & Ranch was hotly opposed by Lionel's competitors and several key members of the U.S. Congress.  
  
If approved, Lionel would control some of the most fertile lands in America, as well as 15% of the nations grain crop.  
  
I had flown to Manalapan; the house had sustained some damage in a freak storm. Walking among the salmon walls, I tried my best to formulate a way to fix everything...  
  
Of course I thought about just telling Perry everything...  
  
But that would put him in a terrible position...  
  
As well as go back on my promise to leave it all alone...  
  
I thought about calling the press myself...  
  
Spilling all the bloody beans...  
  
But that would destroy the company...  
  
As much as I hated it, it was Lex's birthright, his security...  
  
And Lionel would destroy me if I followed that course of action...  
  
Maybe there was middle ground...a way to expose some of the horror, but maintain something for Lex...  
  
Finally, I decided to make copies of as much damaging evidence I could...  
  
(Risks...sometimes you have to take them, my love...but pick them wisely...)  
  
Upon returning to the City, I installed Lisa to run the gallery full-time. Sales were brisk, we had a new Magritte coming in, and I trusted her. She was a sweet girl.  
  
I began spending all my free days at the company.  
  
Trying to avoid suspicion.  
  
Luckily, most of the employees there were in awe of the famous Mrs. Luthor...  
  
They were all very kind to me...  
  
I knew Lionel treated everyone there like his personal slaves...  
  
Just like his father...  
  
Damn you, Lowell...you won in the end, didn't you?  
  
I would go to the file rooms on various floors, politely ask for the attendants to exit, then proceed to copy any and everything I could find.  
  
Thousands of pages. My back hurt. I was so nervous. I would take off my shoes and sit on the floor, trying to decipher as best I could the goings on...  
  
Again, the workers always left me alone. Perhaps they were scared of me...thought I would berate them for interrupting my *research*  
  
(Perhaps I was stupid and didn't see the game was already in play...)  
  
I froze with fear each time the doors opened and closed....Lionel....I never thought one person could instill this kind of feeling in me...  
  
But I never ran into Lionel....  
  
I nearly explained everything to Perry as we sat in a fine sidewalk cafe, on a steamy August afternoon...  
  
"You look tired, Alex. Is everything alright? With Lex? With him?"  
  
He was right. I was weary. My fifty-four years on earth were catching up with me. Still, I had my mother's resolve and my father's stubborness...  
  
Oh, Perry I want to tell you so badly...  
  
But I can't...for your sake...  
  
"I'm not tired at all, darling...just so busy...you know, we have the show coming up and the board has the quarterly meeting soon...you know how it can be."  
  
He didn't believe me for a second.  
  
But we had developed respect for each other.  
  
Genuine, equal respect.  
  
He knew something was horribly off.  
  
But he left it alone...because he loved me.  
  
"Yeah, kiddo....I mean, the Planet has been crazy lately. But I've got the circulation up and the owners are happy. That's all that matters."  
  
"I'm so glad to hear things are going well. I missed you the last few days..."  
  
God, how I missed you.  
  
Just as I was too deep into the files at LuthorCorp...  
  
I was too deep into Perry White...  
  
"Ya...that damn printing press broke, again! Fuck, I swear Alex...running a paper is a mess....but I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world...save you, maybe..."  
  
I smiled at him...took my hand and ran it through his tousled, brown hair...  
  
"I wouldn't trade you for the world, reporter."  
  
He smiled back.  
  
"How's Lex been doing?"  
  
"He's great. Really keen. I mean, he's looking forward to the semester starting up again and he just finished reading three books."  
  
"Three!"  
  
"Yes, darling. I want him to absolutely adore reading. Reading and art and all the non-science stuff."  
  
"You're trying to turn him into an intellectual snob, kiddo."  
  
"Indeed I am, my darling...much better that than a slickster in a three- piece suit."  
  
He gives me that *knowing* look. Which he always does when I make a Lionel reference...  
  
"How's he been lately? To you and Lex?"  
  
"He's been busy, as always. Nothing new."  
  
Lies. Alex. Lies.  
  
"Really..ya..I know all that nutty takeover business is really driving him up the wall...you should've seen the letter he wrote me regarding our editorial..."  
  
I frown...the lines on my face showing my age...  
  
"Perry...I-I...really wish you wouldn't antagonize him...I honestly don't think the merger will go through anyway..."  
  
Looks somewhat angrily at me...  
  
"Are you telling me not to bother your husband? I can't believe what I'm hearing!"  
  
"Calm down, love...please. I'm just saying that things have a way of working out. Print whatever you like, you know I'd never censor your conscience...just know that Lionel is catching bloody hell with or without help from the Daily Planet."  
  
"Well, I'm glad to hear that. He deserves to catch hell."  
  
"For LuthorCorp. business or for the problems in our marriage?"  
  
"For all of it. Especially for you."  
  
I remember that meal with him so vividly...  
  
Fresh pasta and scallops...  
  
Feeding each other...  
  
We were safe here, Lionel didn't care to keep up with me...  
  
Afterwards, we went to the Planet Building to look at some theatre write- ups I had advised on...  
  
And later, on the roof, we drank wine and made love...  
  
The city a managerie of twinkling bulbs and construction cranes...  
  
Ablaze with foreshadowing...  
  
Oh, Perry....you were so good for me....  
  
Maybe another life, my love....  
  
Maybe we'll meet again...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I had placed all the copies, all the photos, everything I had spirited away from the company into a safety deposit box at Society National Bank.  
  
I was feeling calmer about it all now. I would wait until the time was right. Release the documents anonymously to the press, to the members of Congress opposing the sale of Midvale L&R...  
  
This could work...  
  
I eased back into Gallery life; I didn't want Lionel suspicious...although it would be hard for him to notice from Smallville...seemed he had taken an increased interest in the horse whore...  
  
(Of course, at the time, I was so lazy....still the artist, still abstract at my core...I didn't make the connections between the horse girl and one of Lionel's experimental victims...that one...so young. Young man, stripped of something so precious....damn....)  
  
I got far too comfortable.  
  
But all us dreamers, we do that.  
  
  
  
In October, the board held its quarterly meeting atop LuthorCorp. Plaza. I was there, best corporate bitch suit on, holding court for the fakes and wanna-be executives...  
  
All the talk was of the Midvale situation. The stockholders were nervous...the buyout price had gone through the roof...  
  
Midvale was trading at $64 a share....up fifteen dollars since the initial announcement...the buyout price was now over eight billion dollars...  
  
Lionel seemed calm through all this. Speaking at the podium he reiterated that the sale was firm, that is would happen no matter what....not to worry...LuthorCorp. would come out on top....  
  
Lionel and I hadn't had a decent conversation in weeks...I wanted to find out why and how he was so cocky about everything...  
  
Walking up to him, keeping myself composed, thinking about those files...*my protection* I had safely locked away...  
  
"So, husband, I thought the sale was in jeopardy? What's new?"  
  
"Alexandra, my dear. Looking your age for once. Death becomes you, my fair!"  
  
"Go to hell, Lionel. I'm serious, though...I'm a shareholder as well, I'd like to know why you're so sure of all this now..."  
  
"Just think Tuesday, my dear....think Tuesday. Those bastards in Congress think they can control Lionel Luthor. They think they can hold me back. They forget I know everyone. Everywhere. I could change time itself, if need be. Just give everything 'till Tuesday..."  
  
I cringe when I remember that conversation.  
  
  
  
But the coming Tuesday was indeed confirmation of my husband's demonic reach.  
  
The worldwide markets collapsed...  
  
The bottom fell out of Midvale L&R stock....by week's end, it was trading at $19 a share.  
  
LuthorCorp merely lost $1 a share in value....falling to $66...  
  
Investors poured funds into Lionel's empire. Its diversity-- wide range of products, properties, and services-- gave it the ability to ride out any bear market...  
  
Dear God.  
  
Lionel had manipulated the world financial markets to achieve his goals.  
  
How?  
  
Dumb question, Alex.  
  
Lionel did indeed know everyone.  
  
Everyone's secrets.  
  
At every major bank and coporation around the globe.  
  
Blackmail.  
  
Murder.  
  
Anything.  
  
Perry....oh, God...what do I do now?  
  
Just like his father.  
  
  
  
  
  
Lex was oblivious to all these huge events.  
  
He was doing well in school.  
  
Dr. Taylor took him completely off the inhaler.  
  
  
  
"He may never need it again...he is so strong, Alexandra..."  
  
(How I wish that could have remained true...)  
  
Those pictures stay with me.  
  
You were finally happy.  
  
Truly. Completely.  
  
I felt as if I had done well by him.  
  
Loved him enough.  
  
Happy.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I needed to get away. Not from Lex, of course, but my uncertainty about exposing Lionel's dealings overwhelmed me. I couldn't eat. I avoided Perry. I felt lethargic and stressed and bloody damned depressed....  
  
The Midvale sale was going to happen now...  
  
I had to think all this out....slowly...  
  
I thought about Manalapan, my Mum's cottage...  
  
No...someplace other, where no one can interfere with my thoughts....  
  
Plus...I needed to make some arrangements...  
  
  
  
The Vanya and I sailed out from Metropolis Harbour that bright December morning. The water was not yet iced up on the Central Waterway and the trees were just letting go their last foliage....  
  
It had been an extremely warm fall...  
  
I hated leaving the city.  
  
It was my adopted home. My city of diamonds. Metropolis.  
  
But I felt the need to get away, by myself.  
  
I pray this wasn't selfish.  
  
Lex was actually glad I was going.  
  
"You need a vacation, Mom. You're getting up there, old people have to rest!"  
  
Serious look on his face.  
  
He wanted me to be relaxed, be happy...  
  
God, I hated to think that I was upsetting him...by aging...by changing...worrying so much...  
  
But he was so strong on the dock...excited as they loaded my boxes and bags onto the vessel...he hadn't seen the Vanya for a good while...  
  
That last look.  
  
That last goddamn technicolor gorgeous tear-stained fabulous amazing interrupted look.  
  
Of the golden towers.  
  
Of the harbour.  
  
Of my red-headed joy, waving brightly at me.  
  
His face the defintion of contentment. Of living.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
And then it was gone...the last towers fading into the fog...my son, vanishing into his future...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
If I could still cry, Lex, I'd never stop...never...I'd cry forever for leaving you...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
For two weeks the Vanya and I, attended to by a quiet and respectful crew, drifted across the Atlantic. I planned on going to Spain-- I had been there years before with Lionel-- then to see my mother at Bournemouth.  
  
The entire way across the ocean I could think of nothing but my life, as it had been thus far...  
  
I had known such wonderful, marvelous joy...  
  
My baby, my parents, Harry, my careers, Perry, the sights and sounds I had seen...  
  
Of course I had known tragedies. Who does not?  
  
The loss of the two Lionels I had known stood out best...  
  
The yacht docked at Ibiza, the fabulously infamous party isle off the coast, six days before Christmas. I had planned on flying to London, picking up Mum, then flying to Metropolis to surprise Lex...  
  
Oh, he would be so happy to see the both of us...  
  
And she had improved wonderfully....she still had a nip now and then...if anything, the town doctor said it helped her spirits...  
  
I had an ulterior motive for coming to Spain. I was depositing ten million dollars in jewelry and some of the files in an account there.  
  
A special account.  
  
Lionel hadn't ever kept up with the endless array of blue diamonds and star sapphires he had smothered me with...  
  
Might as well put them to good use...  
  
An account that Lex could use anytime he needed. If he needed, if anything were to ever happen...if I couldn't be there....there was a lady who had worked for Lionel...she knew exactly what I needed....  
  
I had to make sure he was protected in case...  
  
In case...  
  
  
  
I returned from the bank to the tiny villa I was lodged at.  
  
I was tired.  
  
So tired.  
  
But I knew I was doing the best I could, my dears.  
  
I had to do what I was doing.  
  
I had to help the people.  
  
Expose Lionel.  
  
Protect Lex.  
  
Be true to Perry's virtues. His honesty.  
  
And myself.  
  
I just wanted to take a hot bath.  
  
Lie down for a spell.  
  
Look out the window at the palms.  
  
  
  
  
  
There...on the bed....  
  
A picture of Perry and I in bed together.  
  
Huge, overexposed, color shot...  
  
I picked it up.  
  
Dropped it in horror.  
  
Lionel knew.  
  
What else did he know?  
  
Underneath the photo was a note.  
  
Handwritten.  
  
Scrawled with hate...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
You stupid English whore. You really thought you could attempt to undermine me? Me? Lionel Luthor? You're finished. You'll never see Lex again. You hear me. Never again. As you read this he is on his way to Exeter. On the way there, in the limo, he will be shown a tape of you and your pathetic boyfriend fucking. That's right. Fucking. You and precious Perry. Who by the way, will be nobody when i'm done with him. I plan on bidding for the Daily Planet as soon as possible. I'll fire him and blacklist him all the way to China. Lex will know the truth about his mother. That's she's a whore. And always was. Bought and paid for. A second-rate actress who was a great lay and not much else. You know, Alex, I tried with you. I tried to make you a true lady. But you had to think for yourself. Had to interfere. My father warned me. Everyone warned me. Don't fuck with a Luthor, Alex! How many times were you told that? I admit, you were good lately....trying to make copies, trying to expose my little secrets. First, do you really think you were alone in the file rooms? Ha! You fool. Father said you lacked basic education. Second, I tape everything. Everything. Video, audio. I have you on tape, everyday, stealing files...And that box at Society National....well, you know Peter Loew and I fence together-- did you really think he wouldn't tell me my bitch wife was up there with boxes of files? You're such a fool. It's over, babe. All of it. I win, you lose. Lex will hate you for betraying me and you will have nothing. Go back to your drunk mother on the English coast and shuck oysters. Go to Smallville and do finger painting. I don't give a damn. We're through.  
  
P.S. Don't expect a cent...remember the contract we signed all those years ago? Ironclad, bitch. Ironclad. You fucked with a Luthor. Now feel the pain.  
  
Yours lovingly,  
  
L.L.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Horror.  
  
My heart stopped, I swear.  
  
I was too scared to cry.  
  
Shock.  
  
Pain.  
  
Guilt.  
  
Oh, God, no...  
  
Too much emotion to express here.  
  
I had to get to Lex.  
  
  
  
  
  
The sea was wild. Ibiza was being battered by a winter storm. The captain begged me to reconsider. Wait until tomorrow. Manana. Everything was to clear out tomorrow.  
  
But I couldn't wait until tomorrow.  
  
I had to get to my baby...  
  
Oh, Lex...please let me explain...  
  
Please...  
  
Fuck....  
  
I had to get to Lex.  
  
The rest of the crew ran away, into the village. I cursed them, but I understood. The sky was damned black. Cold wind rushing about me.  
  
But I couldn't wait...  
  
The captain reluctantly agreed to try to get us back to the mainland. I had to get to Barcelona, then to Madrid, where I could catch some sort of transatlantic to get back to Lex...  
  
Oh, God, please don't let him be hurt by Lionel....by me....please....  
  
Everything I did for you I did because I loved you, son...  
  
Everything...  
  
I had to get to my son...  
  
The sea beat Vanya, over and over. My stomach was rolling. My greyish red hair blown back. But I was strong.  
  
The captain, a blessed Spaniard, tried his hardest to steer us back towards the mainland...  
  
The Mediterranean would not help.  
  
It pushed and pulled.  
  
Black water.  
  
Blue waves.  
  
The muses laughed.  
  
The sky poured.  
  
Bolts of energy racing about us.  
  
Like a Greek tragedy...  
  
Poseidon unleashing his wrath on me, for my mistakes...  
  
The captain tried to hold on...  
  
I swore for a second I glimpsed the sandy hills  
  
The coast  
  
But was that Spain  
  
Was it Bournemouth?  
  
The chalky hills of youth...  
  
I was never good with ships...  
  
Halyard...yardarm...  
  
Goddamn they all fell apart...  
  
And then he was gone.  
  
And I was hanging on to something.  
  
I fought so hard, all for you.  
  
I kept clinging.  
  
Hanging on.  
  
Help me Mum.  
  
Help me Dad.  
  
Help me Harry.  
  
Please.  
  
Someone.  
  
Something.  
  
Beautiful city.  
  
Art, save me. Be my guardian.  
  
Help me Lionel.  
  
Help me Perry.  
  
Help me.  
  
Help me.  
  
It's all I could do.  
  
I tried.  
  
I tried.  
  
The black water.  
  
Everywhere.  
  
I cursed it.  
  
I kicked at it.  
  
But it pulled at me.  
  
And I wasn't the young girl under pine cliffs anymore...  
  
And then, faster than I had thought, I was under.  
  
(I've seen you underwater...I almost held your face, took your hand...  
  
that boy...the beautiful one...he stopped me...I swear, my darling, he looked me in the eyes and stopped me...he pulled you above...what is he? An angel?)  
  
I don't remember actually dying.  
  
Does anyone?  
  
I don't remember being born...  
  
Or do I...  
  
Just  
  
short  
  
fleeting  
  
choking  
  
moments  
  
*of terrible, wrenching gasps*  
  
....swallowing salt...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Images of everything....falling in and over one another, together and under me...  
  
Images of you, my Alexander, eased the gasps...  
  
You as well, Perry...  
  
And you Mum...  
  
And you Dad...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
And even you, Lionel...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
And just like that I was gone.  
  
The last moment of consciousness filled with that most wonderful sound, from the day of your birth....your cry....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
And then it just stopped.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
End of "AS ABOVE, SO BELOW"  
  
Alexandra's story will continue... 


	2. Believe

Alexander  
  
Thank you for remembering me...  
  
Thank you for keeping my gifts to you...  
  
My laugh  
  
My resolve  
  
My whim...  
  
I see  
  
you kept that box I bought you in England  
  
I see you kept everything  
  
Please  
  
Love me  
  
Do not  
  
Hate me  
  
I had no choice  
  
No one does  
  
Let go of pain  
  
Please hold back the torrents of hatred...  
  
I know they rage there, unlimited  
  
Regrets  
  
Stolen tears  
  
Lost hopes  
  
Revenge  
  
Envy  
  
Like your father  
  
And his father  
  
Your father  
  
Cannot help the darkness  
  
It lives in him  
  
But you are also my son  
  
Resist  
  
Darkness  
  
Resist  
  
Please  
  
I see you sometimes  
  
Knife in one hand  
  
Death calls you  
  
It wants you  
  
Please  
  
Fight  
  
Avarice  
  
Fight back  
  
Sorrows  
  
There is a dawn  
  
There is love for you  
  
Maybe it is him  
  
  
  
But there are more chapters  
  
Nothing ever ends  
  
More lyrics  
  
To this verse  
  
More acts  
  
On your stage  
  
There  
  
On the physical plane  
  
There is tomorrow  
  
There is hope  
  
Water your mind  
  
As you have watered my plants  
  
Lead them towards your goodness  
  
Let not your father's hate guide you downward  
  
As above, I am in you  
  
As below, I will love you  
  
In  
  
Out  
  
I celebrate your cry with every thought I have  
  
You came from my body  
  
And damn you  
  
I don't want to see you  
  
Please  
  
Courage  
  
Baby  
  
Not  
  
Here  
  
Not now  
  
Not yet  
  
Stay  
  
Love  
  
Be  
  
Connect  
  
I am here when the time is right  
  
I will reach and touch you always  
  
  
  
We will never be apart, my son  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Revere me  
  
Do not follow me  
  
There is no need  
  
I live outside your door  
  
I live outside your window  
  
And in every cell  
  
Of your body  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
All mistakes  
  
Forgiven  
  
  
  
Dawn  
  
  
  
Look for it in him  
  
Him  
  
The one like you  
  
The one with hurt  
  
About the eyes  
  
He's been stuck outside as well...  
  
A green haze follows him  
  
Hold him  
  
Keep him from green  
  
Cold  
  
Both so cold  
  
Help one another  
  
Find the doorway together  
  
  
  
If you can  
  
  
  
  
  
I am  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Fading  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Please  
  
I know it is cold  
  
Bleak  
  
I know they hurt you  
  
Do not hurt them  
  
Let him show you  
  
The things you could be  
  
Please  
  
Hear me  
  
  
  
Hear me  
  
  
  
You are  
  
You are handsome  
  
You are loved  
  
I am your loving mother, forever...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
You are loved.  
  
  
  
  
  
Believe.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Alexandra's Story Ends....for now... 


End file.
